


Choices

by thedrunkenwerewolf



Series: Heirverse: Phase 3 (Sanctuary) [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Aizen Sousuke Being Aizen Sousuke, And Gin loving him, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choices, Established Relationship, Flower Language, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Introspection, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Married Couple, Mild Hurt/Comfort, The Author Regrets Nothing, actually this one was Crossreference Hell, and tell me where they're from, for once, mad kudos if you can find all the crossreferences, story cross references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 01:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19758139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkenwerewolf/pseuds/thedrunkenwerewolf
Summary: standing on the desolate wastes of Huecco Mundo, Gin reflects on the choices that led him here. Regretting absolutely nothing.Heirverse phases 1-3: the short version. Can be read as a standalone piece.





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: Phase 3. After/alongside Stand By Me but before God Am I and flowering Dogwood.
> 
> a/n: A tl;dr: Chessboards/Heirverse edition :) and me gearing up for Heir remastering. Also writingwise: Crossreference Hell and a grand total of 10 weeks to write.
> 
> Notes: spoilers&crossreferences everywhere and throughout. Past adultery. Mild angst but with a happy ending. GSW's if you know me [I am the asshole who wrote phase 2]. Feelings.
> 
> EDIT – yes I am aware of the hubris of quoting myself and i know i will pay for it later.

" _I wanna live with ya, and die with ya, and everything with ya."_

_\- TDW [Heirverse]_

**Choices**

Looking back on his life, Ichimaru gin knew that all the choices he'd made were what led him here. Standing on the desolate godforsaken wastelands of Huecco Mundo, gazing upon nothing but bones and sand and dead trees that, upon closer inspection, appeared to be made of some sort of quartz. Brittle quartz, too, because the slightest touch and pieces fell off. Not very good, if you asked him. But Sousuke had said this was a world of death and decay, _and a place of nightmares besides,_ so it made sense. He stood and surveyed this new world, standing beside his lover as the cold wind whipped through their hair and clothes, and he shivered. Wondering for just a moment how on earth he got here, and what on earth had possessed him to choose this.

But then his lover took his hand and the moment passed very quickly. Besides, he knew the answers to those questions already. They were ingrained into him. Just like the choices he'd made over the decades. A set of decisions he could trace right back to the very beginning of his life with Aizen Sousuke.

The first of these choices was to approach the man after that first lecture at the academy in his student days. Aizen had been called in as a last minute substitute for Captain Hirako. Gin had been apprehensive, as he was around new people who hadn't earned his trust. And _especially_ so with this man who seemed so composed and collected like nothing at all could faze him. But when Aizen stood scanning the class in front of him and met his eyes and seemed to do a double take, faltered, and dropped the piece of chalk in his hand onto the floor, all that apprehension vanished. Because beneath that calm, composed exterior lay someone who made mistakes, too. And the way Aizen had laughed and played it off, apologising like a dorky, bumbling, idiot professor – or even a librarian – Gin decided to give him a chance and made the choice to go and talk to him after class.

After that, Gin took to talking to him whenever he could. Sometimes Ran had to come and literally drag him away for dinner before it got too late. She would sigh, exasperated, grab his arm and pull him home.

It was around that time she cottoned onto his little crush on Aizen-sama. He'd denied it of course, but nothing got past her. Add the fact that Gin couldn't lie to save his life, and it became very obvious. She teased him endlessly about it. Even writing stupid notes n class and throwing them at him, which he screwed up, scowling. When he got in trouble for that she was so smug it was irritating.

" _Go get him, tiger,"_ she teased when Aizen told him to stay after class.

" _Fuck you, Ran,"_ was his curt response. Though she didn't let it rest until he went on a date with the man.

" _How about I take you out to dinner, as an apology?"_ He suggested.

" _I..._ _ya don't hafta do that."_ Gin answered. But Rangiku wouldn't have it.

" _He'd love to!"_ She'd chirped, placing her hands on Gin's shoulder. " _ **Wouldn't you,** Gin?"_

Gin had been unsure. Wary. Because who hadn't heard of Aizen Sousuke's playboy reputation? Who hadn't seen the victims the man had used and broken? If it went no further than this, if he refused, Gin would avoid that risk of heartbreak, and his little crush would remain just that – a crush. But it was hard to ignore that little part of him that kept asking **'** _ **what if?'**_

_What if it worked out? What if you don't take the chance and end up regretting it forever?_

_What if he's the one who makes you happy?_

Gin knew he should have been wary. Should approach him with caution, the way one should when approaching a venomous snake that could turn around and bite him without any warning. But Ran seemed to trust him, that little part of him was being so damn persistent, and in spite of what everyone said about Aizen Sousuke – that he was a playboy, a liar, a user – the man did seem earnestly genuine in his interest.

_And what if it **did** work out?_

So Gin put on his most winning smile and decided to give him a chance.

" _Sure, why not?"_

. . .

His next big decision after that should have been easy. But it wasn't. Aizen had gotten himself shitfaced drunk one day, gods knew why, and Gin just happened to forget his notebook in the classroom that same day. Aizen-sama had been all over the place, and all over him as he tried to help the man home in one piece, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. Kyoraku Taichou saw them, made some snide comments about Aizen 'settling down', and pretty much gave Gin a warning to stay away, if he knew what was good for him. To which Aizen scowled and snarled drunkenly.

" _Ah'd neva hurt 'im."_

But Kyoraku just snorted, not believing it for a minute, after which Aizen-sama so very eloquently told Kyoraku to " _go fuck yerself with a goddamn cactus!"_

Gin had been so proud of him, until Aizen passed out and hit the floor, face first.

But it ended up being too late. The doubt had already been planted inside him. Because after Aizen had come to and Gin helped him stumble home, he began questioning everything. Was this a good idea? Was Aizen just using him for a few laughs? What if this all ended badly? _What if? What if? What if?_

What if this was all a mistake?

He knew Aizen's reputation. He knew what the man was like. How many hearts he'd broken. He knew running away was the wisest course of action here, that he was kidding himself thinking Aizen Sousuke - the playboy, chessmaster extraordinaire – would ever settle down and love him. That Sousuke wouldn't, couldn't, afford the type of love he wanted; that led to a lasting relationship, to marriage, to a family.

In fact he should probably just cut his losses and spare himself the shame of it all blowing up in his face...

But Sousuke had just looked up at him and said it didn't matter, that he just wanted to make Gin happy. And that, coupled with that connection, that spark they shared, was enough to make Gin change his mind, and choose to stay.

And so when Sousuke posed the question, _"Stay with me?"_ Gin found the answer came easily.

_"Always."_

. . .

It was several years later that Gin made his next choice.

Things between him and Sousuke had been progressing nicely, and they were growing ever closer. Gin didn't think things could get any better than they were with now. He was smiling more, laughing more, growing more secure in his position and gaining confidence. And he' and d never seen Sousuke so happy. Life was just good all around. Gin had a feeling that if this wasn't what love felt like, then well it was pretty damn close. He even remembered relaxing with Sousuke one rainy day in autumn and just thinking he could spend the rest of his life with him. And then Sousuke looked up from his book and caught him looking.

" _What?"_ Sousuke asked.

" _Nothin'."_ Gin answered. Smiling to himself. Aizen eyed him suspiciously for a moment before returning to his book.

" _You know, there's a fireworks_ display _on tomorrow night." Aizen said after that. "We should go."_

" _We should." Gin agreed. "Hope the rain clears up before then, though."_

" _Yes," Sousuke agreed, "Standing in the rain isn't much fun, is it?"_

" _Well, it can be if yer with the right person..." Gin said, and Aizen smiled knowingly. "But yeah, be better if it's dry."_

Gin pretty much dragged him out that next night, too excited for the fireworks display. Though Sousuke humoured his overexuberance and followed along good-naturedly. And if he had any complaints at all he kept them to himself. Though Gin suspected Aizen didn't really _have_ any complaints and was just happy to see him smiling so much.

" _C'mon, c'mon, we're gonna miss it!"_

" _Gin," Sousuke laughed, letting himself be roughly dragged along through the crowd. "Slow down."_

" _Hurry **up,** Sou!"_

_Aizen just laughed again. "There's plenty of time, Gin."_

Gin had laughed and manoeuvred them through the crows and found them the _best_ spot. And when the first set of fireworks went up and exploded in an array of pretty colours above them, Gin grabbed Sousuke's hand and pointed up at the sky. At once both excited and awed. _"Ooh, look!"_

He didn't know Aizen had spent a long moment just gazing tenderly at him before joining him in watching the fireworks until Shinsou told him much later.

. . .

Walking home that night, taking the scenic route through the forest path, Gin found his next decision very easy. It had been a lovely evening. A wonderful, magical evening. And it felt – to Gin at least – that the beautifully dark, star filled night was theirs alone. Especially with Vulpecula, the little fox constellation in view above them. And Gin smiled as he walked, hand in hand with Sousuke, and marvelled at his sun and his stars, and all the pretty constellations above them. And at how everything just seemed right with the world.

It was a moment Gin wanted to last forever. Because _this_ was what he'd fallen for. _This_ was what he wanted; the real Aizen Sousuke. And it only affirmed the thought, the fact, that Aizen Sousuke was the one for him.

Aizen laughed at something he said, and smiled, and Gin just looked at him and thought, _'Yes. This is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with.'_

And so the next choice was very easy.

" _Aizen-sama."_

" _Hmm?"_

" _I love you."_

Aizen stopped dead in his tracks, stopping Gin with him, still holding his hand. At first, Gin thought something was wrong, but then he caught sight of the older man's huge grin. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could react he felt himself yanked forward and crushed against Aizen's body in a tight embrace. He gasped at the suddeness of it, and for just a moment his eyes were wide open with surprise. He was just overwhelmed. By Sousuke's reaction, his emotions, by _him._ It took him a moment to remember how to even **breathe.**

But that passed quickly. Because he knew he was safe. He was in Sousuke's arms. And wasn't that what he'd always wanted?

He closed his eyes and relaxed into those arms, listening to Aizen Sousuke's erratic, uneven heartbeat, and felt the older man – no, his partner – take in a deep, trembling breath to steady himself.

" _Finally."_ Sousuke breathed, shakily. Incapable of saying much else. But the sentiment wasn't lost on Gin. He knew how the man felt, so he just returned the embrace, and breathed in the scent of the man he loved.

. . .

When they got back home to Sousuke's house, they were both **very** happy. Positively giddy with excitement and new love. Gin didn't think either he _or_ Sousuke had **ever** smiled so much. Or kissed so much. Or laughed so much. It was nice, and Gin didn't ever want to come down from this high. Didn't ever want to leave Sousuke's side.

And when Sousuke told him _"I want to make love to you,"_ Gin only hesitated out of nervousness, when all of the breath left his lungs.

" _Oh."_

" _That is, if you want me to." Sousuke told him. "I won't force you."_

" _Uhm, Sou..." Gin swallowed. Trying to stifle his sudden rising panic that despite everything he'd done, once he gave in, he'd just go the way of all Sousuke's other lovers._

_And with Sousuke's fingers tracing up his clothed spine, Gin had started babbling._

" _Do ya really want me? D'ya want me, Aizen-san? Or d'ya jus' want... jus' want..."_

_Gin couldn't even finish the question, too afraid of the answer._

" _Yes," Sousuke answered, his lips claiming Gin's again. "I want you." Another kiss, slow and deep. "I want to be with you."_

" _Then yoa gotta give me everythin'." Gin told him. "I don't... I don't wanna be like yer others."_

" _You won't be," Sousuke breathed. "My mind is yours, my body is yours, my heart is yours."_

_A pause. A hand on Gin's cheek._

"You won't be like the others."

_It was all the assurance Gin needed. "'Kay." he said quietly. "Make love to me."_

_Sousuke smiled at him, soft and warm and bright like the sun, and Gin knew he'd made the right choice – because all felt right in his world._

_And when Gin nervously asked him, "Be gentle?"_

_Sousuke just smiled and answered, "We'll go slow."_

And true to his word, they did. And it was everything Gin had dreamed it would be. And looking back on it, Gin was so glad Sousuke had made him wait for it until he was ready. And when he was sore and achy the next day, Sousuke bent over backwards to look after him. Only further validating the promises made and Gin's choices. Even when Shinsou snickered and said _"Aren't you glad you waited?"_

. . .

They'd moved in together not long after that. Both fed up of saying goodbye in the evening and just generally living apart. They'd put it off for months, but still, it was another easy choice.

" _Do you want to live with me?" Sousuke asked one night._

_Gin just smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."_

He was rewarded with one of Sousuke's genuine smiles that night. And another round of lovemaking. And when Gin carried his boxes inside the house the next day, Sousuke had never looked so happy.

" _Where d'ya wan' me ta put this?" Gin asked, gesturing to the photograph in his hands._

" _Wherever you want." Sousuke told him, grinning like a loon._

. . .

Gin's next choice, however, wasn't quite as thought through. No, it was very, _very_ spontaneous, highly irregular, and a spur of the moment decision.

They were in the human world, walking in the drizzling rain, on their way back to their hotel from the theatre. They'd had a little wine that evening, so they were both in a good mood. Walking hand in hand, talking and laughing together. Gin spied a little church as they walked down the street, and had an idea.

" _Sousuke, let's get married!"_

_Sousuke opened his mouth, but no words came out. And for an instant, Gin was terrified he'd be rejected. He was just about to retract his suggestion, laugh it off and blame the wine, when his lover answered him._

" _Yes, let's get married then."_

_Gin could have burst with joy. "C'mon then," he called, pulling Aizen by the hand in the direction of the little church. Sousuke just laughed and let himself be dragged along._

" _What? Now?"_

" _Yes, now!" Gin answered. "C'mon!"_

And Gin pulled him, laughing and giddy, full of excitement, all the way to the church. Never more certain of anything in his life.

. . .

He almost lost his nerve when he got there. When he was actually standing at the altar. Once again plagued by doubts circling him like sharks, ready to tear him apart with their _'what if's._

What if he wasn't good enough?

What if he wasn't strong enough to stand beside his Aizen-sama?

What if Sousuke didn't love him? What if he changed his mind and decided it was a bad idea?

What if all of this was a mistake?

What if? What if? What if?

Gin ran a hand through his hair, convinced this was a bad idea. He opened his mouth to tell Sousuke so, but all he managed to get out was a whisper.

" _I look a mess."_

It seemed to sum up everything.

But Sousuke just smiled at him, lovely and warm like Helios the sun god, and squeezed his hand.

" _Shut up," Sousuke whispered back. "You look perfect."_

It was all the affirmation Gin needed. And reassured, he squeezed his lover's hand n return.

" _Are you ready?" Sousuke asked him._

_Gin just smiled. "Yes. I'm ready now."_

And with that they promised to love each other, to cherish each other. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Til death did they part.

. . .

For a long time after that, they fell into a familiar pattern of domestic happiness. Married life.

But it didn't last.

Something – someone – had been poisoning his Sousuke's thoughts. Diminishing his smile so it stopped reaching his eyes. Initially Gin believed it was because of something he'd done, that Sousuke seemed to be drifting away from him. But it soon dawned on him that the reason was within Sousuke. Inside his lover, not out. It was a curse, a disease, a _parasite_ , eating away at his Helios' happiness and well being. An illness. And Gin hated it. But what he hated even more was the feeling of powerlessness he felt, being unable to banish the darkness threatening to consume the love of his life.

The inability to stop the rain in his heart.

It happened gradually. So slowly Gin might have missed it had he not been paying close attention. He watched his beloved steadily retreat inwards, lose interest in things he enjoyed – reading, night-time walks together, even lovemaking. And when he lost interest in playing with Cherry and Tsuku, Gin knew things were dire. He knew they were in trouble. That the darkness had already infected, and his Sousuke's world had been shrouded in hellish darkness, with no light to be seen at all.

But Gin chose not to give in. he chose to fight. For Sousuke, the man he loved. Because he'd promised. He'd made vows. _For better, for worse._ So whatever came their way, he was going to stand by his man.

He took Sousuke to see the fireworks in autumn. Sousuke's favourite season. _'For the colours',_ he'd said. Doing his absolute best to pull his Helios out of the hellish darkness around him. Pull his Sousuke's mind out of the dark place it had taken up residence in.

" _Sousuke?"_

" _Hm?"_

" _Wanna go see the fireworks?"_

_He watched a small, hopeful smile bloom on his Sousuke's face at the suggestion._

" _Sure. Why not?"_

And then Gin was pulling him out of the chair, raring to go. Just so happy that Sousuke was smiling again.

And when they walked home afterwards, and Gin asked him if they'd always be together, Sousuke promised they would.

" _Will be always be together?"_

" _Yes. We'll always be together. We'll always be perfectly happy, just like this."_

And Gin believed him. Even wishing for it to be true in the new year, upon a falling star.

. . .

It was a fleeting happiness, but Gin refused to give up. He wouldn't surrender. Not until he'd managed to pull his Sousuke out of the hellish darkness. Silenced the hellish voice n his head poisoning his thoughts, devouring his happiness. Because Gin loved him. And he couldn't just give up on someone he loved. Even though it would have been easy. Even though nobody would have blamed him – their relationship was doomed from the start, everyone said so.

 _Fuck them._ Gin thought. _I love him. An' ya fight fer what you love in this world, if it kills you._

So he did. Even though it was hard. Even if sometimes it felt like fighting a losing battle. An abandoned war.

He left flowers expressing his love (red tulips and Heliotropes). Expressing desire for Sousuke's happiness (madwort and jonquil). Told Sousuke 'I love you' everyday. Sheltered him from the rain, even though Sousuke cursed him for a pluviophile. Because he'd made his choice and he was going to stick by it. Even if the flowers he left withered and died, unanswered.

In hindsight, not one of his brightest ideas. Perhaps one of his biggest mistakes, because everything went to complete shit not too long after that. His marriage was left in shambles for the longest time. And Gin was left questioning everything.

. . .

Needless to say, Gin had been devastated by the affair when he found out. _Devastated._ Because his trust had been betrayed. Because Sousuke broke his promises. Because their marriage evidently meant so little to Sousuke that he would do a thing like this...

Heartbroken didn't even begin to cover how he felt. Furious wasn't a strong enough word. Vitriolic was an understatement for how he reacted when faced with the traitor.

Betrayed, hurt, crushed were more accurate words – though even those fell short. But having that raging sea of emotions inside him was enough to tip him over the edge. That was probably why he lost it and threw every single bit of crockery at the man when he came home that night.

" _You **whore!"** Gin screamed, launching a plate, smashing it. "You fucking prick!"_

" _Gin, let me explain."_

" _What's there to explain? I saw you. With her. Mak- …. **fucking."**_

Gin didn't even let him explain. Because if he started talking Gin didn't think he could hold himself together. Ad gods knew he was struggling enough to do that as it was. Not that it made much difference, because he burst into tears anyway.

" _How **could** you?" Gin sobbed. "To **me?** To **us?"**_

_How could I have made such a big mistake in trusting you?_

It was a question that still plagued him sometimes. _Was this all a big mistake?_ But at the time the only answer he received was the man's arms around him while he wept. Though Gin fought his embrace, Sousuke just kept apologising over and over again. And saying he loved him.

. . .

Gin did have to wonder if he was incredibly stupid at times. Even now he questioned his intelligence. His sanity, too, come to think of it. Because what kind of idiot forgave a cheat? What kind of stupid _moron_ did such a thing after being hurt and betrayed so badly?

Of course he sat questioning it for the longest time. _Is this healthy?_ He wondered. _Is this right? Am I the biggest idiot on the goddamn planet?_

He probably was. Either that, or Sousuke was a highly addictive drug. Whichever it was, Gin couldn't really live without him. Aizen Sousuke was all he had ever really known. The only man he'd ever loved. Gin was a better person when he was around, and he loved the way Sousuke made him feel.

So he made quite possibly one of the stupidest choices in his life: to take him back.

" _I wanna make this work." Gin told him. Taking his hand across the table, looking into the eyes of the man he loved. The man he couldn't **un** love._

He had a few conditions, of course. Like Sousuke giving up his rights to privacy. And getting a new bed.

" _I refuse to sleep in a place where you fucked her." Gin told him. Refusing to believe the truth that Hinamori Momo had never even **been** in their bed. But Gin was going to make their marriage work if it killed him._

. . .

Of course, actually _making_ it work was much harder than initially anticipated. Much, **much** harder.

Everytime the man touched him, Gin thought of them together. And vitriol bubbled up inside him again. In the beginning, Gin was too hurt and angry to let Sousuke even make him a cup of tea. Throwing the first few in his face – literally – the first few times. He let them grow cold, untouched on the table. Choosing instead to make his own. They slept together for one night before Gin took to the sofa again, because he couldn't get the image of them together out of his head.

When Sousuke left flowers expressing love and remorse, Gin binned them. Burnt them up with kidou. Often in front of Sousuke's face. And then Gin had sent all the hurtful flowers he could think of in answer.

Peonies for anger. Basil for hate. Mustard to say 'I am hurt'. Yellow roses for infidelity and departure of love. Nettles for cruelty and spite. Lavender for mistrust. Carolina syringa for disappointment. Frog ophrys for disgust. Winter cherry and white cherry tree for deception. _'You deceived me'._ Foxglove for insincerity. _'you are insincere'._ Aguas castus for coldness and indifference. And cypress, because Gin was still mourning the loss of what they had.

Sousuke was patient, though. Answering his spite with bluebells for sorrowful regret. Purple hyacinth to ask for forgiveness. Horseshoe leaf geraniums for stupidity, to say he was stupid. Together with the purple hyacinth: _'please forgive my stupidity'._ And heliotropes for devoted affection.

_Unwavering in his shouldering of the blame._

It was Shinsou who talked him round. ' _You aren't being very fair',_ he said. Though it had taken a **lot** of convincing and nagging to get Gin to see it. To see that Sousuke was trying. That he was being awfully, cruelly unfair. That he couldn't forgive the man and then go throw it back in his face again.

 _'Is this how he'd be treating you if **you** were in his shoes?' _Shinsou asked. And Gin felt horrible, because no. _No, it wasn't how Sousuke would be treating him at all. Sousuke would be trying to get them back on track at all costs._

And with that realisation, Gin decided to get his shit together. Because he knew if he kept this up, he'd just piss Sousuke off or drive him away. Or both. So Gin decided right then to swallow his pride and his bitterness and _forgive._

" _Sousuke?"_

" _Hm?"_

" _Can you make me a cup of tea?"_

It wasn't much, but he had to start somewhere. And Sousuke smiled. Which in turn made him smile. And for the first time in a long time, Gin drank the tea offered to him.

It was a start, anyway. And one of his better choices.

. . .

Several years passed with the two of them slowly growing back together. With Gin putting his lover's floral offerings into vases instead of burning them. Returning his embraces instead of just tolerating them. Embracing the feeling of warmth that rushed through him, thawing out his frozen heart, whenever the man smiled at him.

It was hard going but, he worked at it. He worked at it every day. Accepting the mugs of tea Sousuke made for him. Allowing himself to drink them and enjoy them – particularly the one Sousuke always left out for him every morning on the bedside table. And cautiously answering Sousuke's flowers with replies of his own.

Goldenrod for 'careful encouragement' replacing the mustard and yellow roses as his feelings thawed. Peppermint and white poplar, to say 'in time my feelings will warm to you'. Lilacs for 'first emotions of love' to replace the stinging nettles as Gin finally allowed himself to sleep beside his husband at night. And five years later, red tulips n the springtime: a declaration of love.

It took time. A lot of time. And work. And patience. And love.

It certainly wasn't easy. Not by any means. But Gin was willing to try, despite the slip-ups, the rows, the bickering. Because what they had together was worth saving. Worth bringing back from the brink of destruction. And eventually, Gin let his lover hold him. And months later, let his lips kiss him. And when Sousuke gave him the jonquil and lime tree flowers – saying, 'I want to make love to you' – Gin answered him with all the aster growing in their garden. _Aster for patience._

It took two more years for Gin to be ready for him. But Sousuke waited patiently. And in the end, seven years after the affair, hey regained their physical intimacy, and made love. And Gin knew he'd made the right choice.

So after, when Sousuke asked, _"Stay with me?"_ The answer came easy, and the choice was obvious.

" _Always."_

. . .

After that, the next choices were even easier. Defecting with Sousuke and following him to the desolate wasteland that was Huecco Mundo. Leaving his whole life behind just to be with Sousuke. Helping Sousuke fake his own death, though that part **hadn't** been easy...

" _Gin, it's not real. I'm right here."_

" _It **feels** real." Gin had said, looking up at the illusion of his lover's butchered body. "It's real **enough."**_

Facing the doubts swirling about inside him hadn't been easy, either. The question, the fear of the 'what if?'

 _What if he leaves without me?_ He'd wondered. Only to find out Sousuke was wrestling with the same doubts. The hellish voice inside his skull...

" _You don't have to do this with me." Aizen told him._

" _But I **want** to." Gin told him. "I wanna live with ya, and die with ya, and everythin' with ya."_

Seeing Sousuke come to pieces with the strain being suddenly lifted from his shoulders just from Gin's words.

" _No, don't cry." Gin told him. Hard pressed not to start blubbering himself. "I said that ta make yo happy. You're not s'pposed to cry, ya idiot."_

And then finally getting Sousuke to relax enough to tell him just how bad things were with the voice...

" _You didn't tell me the voice was getting worse. How lon's tha' been goin' on?"_

_Sousuke sighed softly. "Slowly for... ever. It's been silent since we fell asleep."_

Gin smiled at the memories of his Sun's fingers squeezing his tightly. As if at any given moment he might vanish.

 _S'always been a fear I guess. Bein' abandoned._ Gin thought. _I think that went fer both of us. But now when he holds me hand, it's... different._

Gin closed his eyes and smiled softly, feeling the difference in that handhold. Now, when Sousuke's fingers squeezed his, there was a confidence n his grip. A feeling that Sousuke knew, now, that Gin wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. That he wasn't simply going to vanish, if he let go.

Not that Gin wanted to let go. Gin wanted to hold onto him forever. Until the world ended or the sky collapsed. Because Sousuke had said it best.

_With you, I am home._

And Gin only echoed the sentiment. Feeling validated in all of the choices he had made up to this point. Standing on the barren, desolated wastes of Huecco Mundo with his other half. His soulmate. His Helios.

His sun and stars.

He smiled softly. Some people might say he was crazy. Perhaps he was. Others might say he'd made terrible mistakes, made all the wrong choices... but that didn't matter. Choices. Mistakes. They were just words. Who could say what Gin's decisions were, really? All Gin knew was that he was happy he'd made them. That he regretted none of them. How many people in the world could say that?

Gin's gaze drifted out over the white desert before them, littered with bones and debris and _hollow,_ quietly wondering how they were going to make a home here, until Sousuke broke the silence.

"I love you, you know," he said softly, "so much."

Gin just smiled tenderly at his Sousuke, laughing a little. _As if I needed telling._

"I know," he answered. "I love you, too."

And when Aizen smiled at him in that way he did – when the light and warmth of it reached his eyes and it lit up his whole face in a way that made Gin's knees weak – Gin knew he'd definitely made the right choices in his life.

"Always?" Sousuke asked, smiling. It was somewhat of an inside joke now, because look how far they'd come from such uncertainties. So Gin just smiled back, crushed Sousuke to him in an embrace, and gave his answer.

"Always."


End file.
